hello there,

you’ve stumbled upon the diary of an angsty and gloomy 19 year old who’s prone to severe moodswings, bitchfits and life’s sad, pathetic, depressing moments. This is a collection of thoughts from my head, typed fastidiously onto this little blog and posted for anyone who cares to read it. I like to focus on the darker side of things.

Currently a student media and communication at singapore polytechnic. Prone to discomfort in crowded places or any social occasions. Likes hiding under covers on rainy days and the smell of freshly cut grass. Wants to write and travel the world.

Facebook Jasmine Lim // Twitter @burritodiaries // Instagram @peppermintpanic
Late Nights Out
Friday, May 31, 2013 @ Friday, May 31, 2013
Been a while since I last wrote.

I feel like I've been physically absent from places. I know people need me now for certain things but I'm being selfish and thinking about my own troubles first. It's time to stop because there are things that need to be done.

Been through a lot but there are people going through worse, always.
And no, I don't want to talk about it.


Went to music matters live at clarke quay on vesak day and had a lot of fun.
Met up with Danial first and then Emman and his friends (:

I feel like I'm the only one calling him Emman when everyone else is calling him Manu

Initially we came just to watch Boyce Avenue and Faber Drive but then I had this really strong urge to watch the band before boyce. So I dragged Danial over to the stage. I didn't know anything about this band at all, just that their name was Fairchild and that they were from Australia.


holy shit, when they started playing.

They were fucking good live and their music made me feel like dancing. The lead singer's voice, the lyrics, the melodies, everything was so amazing. Danial left halfway to drink with Emman so I was alone in the crowd, absorbing every pulsing beat they put out. I think no one even heard of them before this but I'm pretty damn sure that they'd get more than a few fans after this show. By the end of their set, I was in love.

Danial came back just as their set was ending, pushing his way through the growing crowd to get to me. Caught Boyce Avenue before getting bored and walking off to Fern & Kiwi so that we'd catch Faber Drive.



Walked around and couldn't find the fucking place and by the time we actually got there, the place was packed as hell and we were at a shitty spot at the back. Highlight of their set was when they covered locked out of heaven, which Danial enjoyed thoroughly. And then the crowd was going crazy for the last song, tongue tied.

Got back to Emman, lepak, drank a little and then decided to go to McD's at liang court to get some grub. On our way there, these group of angmoh guys walked past us and I stoned for a moment before realising that they were the guys from fairchild. They were already quite a distance away when Danial asked if we wanted to go talk to them. Decided not to and carried on to mcdonald's all depressed and stuff.

But OH MY FUCKING GOD, they were in the 7/11 next to the mcdonald's in liang court! D: I was a little tipsy by that point of time. I wasn't sure if I was heady from the alcohol or from them being in front of me. Danial talked to them cause I was speechless and I didn't want to say anything stupid.

I got a hug from the bassist (tommy) and the vocalist (adam) !!! They are so friendly, I swear. They like said sorry for being all sweaty and smelly but I didn't care. And they asked where we were going and stuff. And by this point both me and Dan's phones were dead so Dan took a picture of me and the band on Adam's phone and Adam gave us a namecard for us to email them for the photo.


*spaz*

Got green Tea from McD and I couldn't stop smiling after that.

So at 2 in the morning, we walked from Clarke Quay to Raffles City to City Hall and then to MBS. Snapped pictures along the way, with dan's camera which he forgot was in his bag. I wish we had bikes though. Caught quite a few kids cycling around town and even through MBS, it looks so damn fun. I'm gonna try it one day.

It was a strange thing to see tall empty buildings with no one around or in them. It makes me feel tiny and alone in the world. I start to get paranoid that everyone died and that I'm the only person alive right now. But I had the boy with me so everything was all good.

Slept at the goddamn foodcourt at MBS till we took the first train home.




Current obsession.
soooo goood.
shivers.


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For bitter or better.
Friday, May 17, 2013 @ Friday, May 17, 2013
These words are not the words I want to write. 
But I'll learn to keep my mouth shut for once. 

It's nice to not let the poison seep through to others once in a while. 
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empty sinkhole
Friday, May 10, 2013 @ Friday, May 10, 2013
As much as I want this to be perfect, it's not. 

Your old words mean so much to me. It makes me think of someone else, an off colour memory like a vintage photograph. In my haste, I feel like I wasted my feelings on you for the first month we were together. You were never that into me then. I should have saved them for a time where I really needed them. 

Like now. 

Sometimes when I think of you, I shut off and stare at one spot in the corner of my room. The memories come back and sadly, it feels like I'm watching someone else. Happiness never felt more real back then. To find out you lied drains the colour out of every good thing we've ever had. 

I have this inability to think of you and feel happy right now. 

Endless scenarios keep replaying themselves in my head.
You. Someone else.

It dawned on me, perhaps I've just agreed to making myself miserable for the next few months. It's like I shook hands with this inner chaos and welcomed it into my heart to stay for a long time. I'm insecure to begin with and I'll be even more insecure from now on. I wouldn't say that I'll always remember those words I read but everytime I see you, those bad memories will resurface to cause me pain again. 

I'm reading our conversations. There's literally nothing there. We speak like old friends, nothing more. Open your eyes to see. No spark, no attraction anymore. 

I told myself that I will work to make this work and we can try.

But ultimately, I'm in this world alone. 
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