hello there,

you’ve stumbled upon the diary of an angsty and gloomy 19 year old who’s prone to severe moodswings, bitchfits and life’s sad, pathetic, depressing moments. This is a collection of thoughts from my head, typed fastidiously onto this little blog and posted for anyone who cares to read it. I like to focus on the darker side of things.

Currently a student media and communication at singapore polytechnic. Prone to discomfort in crowded places or any social occasions. Likes hiding under covers on rainy days and the smell of freshly cut grass. Wants to write and travel the world.

Facebook Jasmine Lim // Twitter @burritodiaries // Instagram @peppermintpanic
Sunday, September 15, 2013 @ Sunday, September 15, 2013

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Here's a list of random things.
Wednesday, July 3, 2013 @ Wednesday, July 03, 2013
Hey, it's fucking July already.
Which means half the year has gone by.

It's depressing. These days, everything is. 

I've decided that I hate new year's resolutions. Honestly, I can't even remember them, let alone find time to complete them. I'm possibly at my most motivated that I've been the whole year so I'm going to try again and this time I'm going to write it all down so that I can't run away from it. 

01     Lose weight (63kg)
02     Learn illustrator and get better at photoshop
03     Set up a Youtube channel (:
04     Keep up with close friends
05     Set up my portfolio

And I need money to:
  • Make my specs
  • Develop my rolls of film
  • Fall Out Boy Ticket 
  • Clothes Rack
It doesn't help that I didn't get a reply to my email regarding a job. 
I hate you and I have and will never buy clothes from you, ever. 
Unless you reply me la.

Currently doing my writing assignment because it's due tomorrow and I don't feel particularly motivated till 3 hours before the deadline. I'm kidding. I have approximately 20 hours before I'm officially screwed and it's enough time for a last minute worker such as myself so it's all good.

I'm staring at a blank word document right now though.

I wish words would find me now.
What do I want to write about?
How do I want to write it?

Block. Dead end.

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Vous êtes belles, mais vous êtes vides.
Sunday, June 23, 2013 @ Sunday, June 23, 2013
When I look at you, my mind goes somewhere vast. 
Years, maybe. 
A pure thought, undiluted by fear. 

I never worry when I'm with you, when your presence is right beside me.
5am in mcdonalds, sitting across from you with a medium green tea between us.
Talking about you, me, us, stupid things, important things, the past, the future.

We spent so much time wishing that the both of us had a little extra money to spare.
But nights like these are proof that you don't need money or material goods to be happy.

All you need is the right company.

Happy 11th month, Danial.
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Late Nights Out
Friday, May 31, 2013 @ Friday, May 31, 2013
Been a while since I last wrote.

I feel like I've been physically absent from places. I know people need me now for certain things but I'm being selfish and thinking about my own troubles first. It's time to stop because there are things that need to be done.

Been through a lot but there are people going through worse, always.
And no, I don't want to talk about it.

Went to music matters live at clarke quay on vesak day and had a lot of fun.
Met up with Danial first and then Emman and his friends (:

I feel like I'm the only one calling him Emman when everyone else is calling him Manu

Initially we came just to watch Boyce Avenue and Faber Drive but then I had this really strong urge to watch the band before boyce. So I dragged Danial over to the stage. I didn't know anything about this band at all, just that their name was Fairchild and that they were from Australia.

holy shit, when they started playing.

They were fucking good live and their music made me feel like dancing. The lead singer's voice, the lyrics, the melodies, everything was so amazing. Danial left halfway to drink with Emman so I was alone in the crowd, absorbing every pulsing beat they put out. I think no one even heard of them before this but I'm pretty damn sure that they'd get more than a few fans after this show. By the end of their set, I was in love.

Danial came back just as their set was ending, pushing his way through the growing crowd to get to me. Caught Boyce Avenue before getting bored and walking off to Fern & Kiwi so that we'd catch Faber Drive.

Walked around and couldn't find the fucking place and by the time we actually got there, the place was packed as hell and we were at a shitty spot at the back. Highlight of their set was when they covered locked out of heaven, which Danial enjoyed thoroughly. And then the crowd was going crazy for the last song, tongue tied.

Got back to Emman, lepak, drank a little and then decided to go to McD's at liang court to get some grub. On our way there, these group of angmoh guys walked past us and I stoned for a moment before realising that they were the guys from fairchild. They were already quite a distance away when Danial asked if we wanted to go talk to them. Decided not to and carried on to mcdonald's all depressed and stuff.

But OH MY FUCKING GOD, they were in the 7/11 next to the mcdonald's in liang court! D: I was a little tipsy by that point of time. I wasn't sure if I was heady from the alcohol or from them being in front of me. Danial talked to them cause I was speechless and I didn't want to say anything stupid.

I got a hug from the bassist (tommy) and the vocalist (adam) !!! They are so friendly, I swear. They like said sorry for being all sweaty and smelly but I didn't care. And they asked where we were going and stuff. And by this point both me and Dan's phones were dead so Dan took a picture of me and the band on Adam's phone and Adam gave us a namecard for us to email them for the photo.


Got green Tea from McD and I couldn't stop smiling after that.

So at 2 in the morning, we walked from Clarke Quay to Raffles City to City Hall and then to MBS. Snapped pictures along the way, with dan's camera which he forgot was in his bag. I wish we had bikes though. Caught quite a few kids cycling around town and even through MBS, it looks so damn fun. I'm gonna try it one day.

It was a strange thing to see tall empty buildings with no one around or in them. It makes me feel tiny and alone in the world. I start to get paranoid that everyone died and that I'm the only person alive right now. But I had the boy with me so everything was all good.

Slept at the goddamn foodcourt at MBS till we took the first train home.

Current obsession.
soooo goood.

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For bitter or better.
Friday, May 17, 2013 @ Friday, May 17, 2013
These words are not the words I want to write. 
But I'll learn to keep my mouth shut for once. 

It's nice to not let the poison seep through to others once in a while. 
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empty sinkhole
Friday, May 10, 2013 @ Friday, May 10, 2013
As much as I want this to be perfect, it's not. 

Your old words mean so much to me. It makes me think of someone else, an off colour memory like a vintage photograph. In my haste, I feel like I wasted my feelings on you for the first month we were together. You were never that into me then. I should have saved them for a time where I really needed them. 

Like now. 

Sometimes when I think of you, I shut off and stare at one spot in the corner of my room. The memories come back and sadly, it feels like I'm watching someone else. Happiness never felt more real back then. To find out you lied drains the colour out of every good thing we've ever had. 

I have this inability to think of you and feel happy right now. 

Endless scenarios keep replaying themselves in my head.
You. Someone else.

It dawned on me, perhaps I've just agreed to making myself miserable for the next few months. It's like I shook hands with this inner chaos and welcomed it into my heart to stay for a long time. I'm insecure to begin with and I'll be even more insecure from now on. I wouldn't say that I'll always remember those words I read but everytime I see you, those bad memories will resurface to cause me pain again. 

I'm reading our conversations. There's literally nothing there. We speak like old friends, nothing more. Open your eyes to see. No spark, no attraction anymore. 

I told myself that I will work to make this work and we can try.

But ultimately, I'm in this world alone. 
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The simple act
Tuesday, April 30, 2013 @ Tuesday, April 30, 2013
There are reasons why I hate taking the last train home. 

One of the main ones is because I really hate seeing people sleep on the train and miss their stops. 

It's around 12am at night so by logic, they're probably heading home to get a good night's sleep. But somewhere along the way home they drift to sleep. I can see them in my head right now. The panicked look around when they wake up wondering, where am I right now? Then they stand up and immediately get off at the next station. 

It makes my heart ache. 

Especially when it's old people ): 

Since I live at near the end of the line, people usually get off at my stop or at Boon Lay (which is more likely) cause Joo Koon station is a god forsaken place where no one goes to. So this old indian uncle was sitting across me sleeping. I was worrying about where he got off and about him missing his stop and him trying to flag down a taxi this late. I told myself I would wake him up before I got off the train. But he managed to somehow wake up just before my stop and he wandered off the train sleepily. 

I'll always remember this one incident where I was on the last train and I fell asleep. An indian man was kind enough to tap me on the shoulder to wake me up at my stop. I swear, I was so grateful that I thanked him profusely and despite how sleepy I was, I couldn't stop smiling. 

I love nice people. 
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