Bring me there.
Sunday, September 2, 2012 @ Sunday, September 02, 2012
It's 5am and I have to meet JM in approximately 4 hours to record a cover. Even though I'm yawning incessantly, I have no urge to sleep. I've been sleeping way too much these past two days. Let me just finish this post and then maybe I'll get to bed.
I've recognised that people tend to shut out and forget about the unpleasant things. What I'm referring to are the things that are painful to think about. Maybe it's a bad memory or words you hate to hear. Most people run away from those things or bury them deeeeeep inside their heads so that they don't have to deal with them.
Not me though.
I have this deep-rooted urge to make myself miserable for some reason. Usually when I'm alone and my mind isn't occupied with much, I tend to seek out these unpleasant things. I replay these memories like videotapes in my mind's eye. I revisit all the bad things that have happened because I feel like it will hurt less each time I think about them.
Do you remember that exact moment when someone tells you something you don't want to hear. Take for example, your crush telling you that he's attached. You feel this catch in your throat as if your heart decided to stop working at that exact moment. I hate that feeling.
So maybe all I'm doing is trying to lessen the pain of it. The first time, there's that unbearable pain. My logic is that the more I think about it, that same pain will fade into nothing more than a tiny sting. But I realise now that it doesn't.
It still hurts just as much as the first time.
So maybe it's time to run away.
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