the five seven tragedy

You are between who you are and who you could be //

hello there,

you’ve stumbled upon the diary of an angsty and gloomy 19 year old who’s prone to severe moodswings, bitchfits and life’s sad, pathetic, depressing moments. This is a collection of thoughts from my head, typed fastidiously onto this little blog and posted for anyone who cares to read it. I like to focus on the darker side of things.

Currently a student media and communication at singapore polytechnic. Prone to discomfort in crowded places or any social occasions. Likes hiding under covers on rainy days and the smell of freshly cut grass. Wants to write and travel the world.

Facebook Jasmine Lim // Twitter @burritodiaries // Instagram @peppermintpanic

Remember when, we didn't have to remember when

Thursday, December 27, 2012 @ Thursday, December 27, 2012

For a while, we sat there just staring at each other. You spoke first, breaking the silence. It's always you, always urging and prodding me to open up to you. We talked for a while, about things that have been plaguing my mind these past few days. We left out the what ifs this time and thought out contingency plans and maybe just for a moment, I could believe that it was really happening.

That familiar smile that was always playing on your lips had vanished and I felt the end drawing near. Your words held no warmth and you strung together sentences that I did not want to hear. They stole the air from my lungs. I felt a cold emptiness in my chest. It all seemed a bit hopeless and bleak. We're going on as if there's nothing ahead for the both of us.

Heartache at its best, I thought.

And then I felt the sudden urge to commit you to my memory. I wanted to remember you, for the tiny chance that I would ever forget your face. As you spoke, I brushed my thumb against the side of your face to remember how your skin felt when I pressed my my lips to your cheek. I ran my fingers across your lips to remember how the words that left them could always soothe me and make me feel better after a weary day. I stared at your eyes to remember how you always felt they were small, even though I thought them to be lovely.

It's strange that I'm doing all this while you're speaking but I suppose in the time we've been together you've gotten so used to it that it even doesn't phase you anymore. Before this you'd just stop mid-sentence and then stare at me with a smile on your face.

Jasmine, what are you doing, you'd ask me.

Without removing my hands, I'd say, nothing.

Things are different now. We've gotten more used to each other's company. I've taken note of all your little quirks, like how you'd squint your eyes when you're taking a drag from your cigarette and how you'd always nudge me with your arm when I'm feeling upset.

I started to wonder if I would ever forget these little things. And as our conversation went on it became more and more apparent to me that I couldn't and wouldn't give you up. Then you told me what I'd known all along.

If you wanted to do it, you would have done it already.

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