It makes me sort of sad when people expect me to be a certain way when they know i'm something else. Their comments hurt a lot more than they should. I suppose that's an indication of how weak I am because if I were stronger they wouldn't matter to me at all right? But everything matters to me.

There's a defiant voice in my head screaming right now.

I'm not weak, it says.
I don't trust myself enough to disagree with it.

Recently, I've been questioning my happiness. I feel blinded when I'm happy, blinded by optimism. When I'm high, it almost feels like nothing can get me down. Every single bad memory's been wiped from my mind. But those highs never last very long.

Vice versa when I'm sad.

I don't know how I can stop the things you saying from hurting me, even if that's not your intention. I'm so tired of feeling like I'm doing something wrong. I'm a fuck up. I can barely keep my goldfish alive for more than a few days, let alone a relationship.