Despite my bad luck, I still have the tendency to think that I'm lucky and that nothing majorly bad will happen to me. Now I know that this will be my downfall. I'm not infallible. I'm only human. Hands shaking, hearts racing, eyes wide open. It's been plaguing my mind for a while now and yours too.

I'm sad and ashamed of myself. It bothers me that I'm growing up. With that, comes confusion. I'm not a little girl but I'm not a woman either. I keep bombarding myself with questions that I cannot answer. Is this right? Is it okay to do something if I'm only hurting myself? People will judge my actions based on the way they see me. Not on my intentions, not on whether I am ready to make such huge decisions.

A few more days. Don't let me wait any more than I should because I will hurt so badly. Feelings will creep into my heart and poison me and I'll turn black from the inside. I will rot and then no one will stay with me anymore. Not only will I feel alone, I'll truly be alone.



I will persist on but I need you by my side.
I'm clinging so much harder to you these days.



If I were to count my weaknesses one by one, there'd be too many. But I'd tell you that my emotional tendencies are not one of them. I am ruled by my heart. It is in this way that I function. If it should be any other way, I highly doubt I would be with the people I love right now.

Take chances and you'll be happy.
Be honest. Be brave. Be open.

Because change is needed in order to give you a little push or a little shift in our mundane lives. Why should you wait for something to happen to you? Get up, go out and look for it.

-

My dear, I am hyperaware of what great amount of stress you are going through right now. I love you and plenty of people do, trust me. Don't be afraid to speak to me. I would feel worse if I did not know what was going on. Sometimes I look at you and I'm suddenly brought to realise how strong you really are. You bear the weight of your worries daily and still manage to carry on with your head held high. I am so proud of you, my dear. Please continue staying strong. I will always be here to listen. Really, always.

You might feel alone but you are never alone when you choose not to be.

-

This is hard.
The year's barely started
but I'll take this as a sign
that each year from here on out will get worse.
It'll be harder to handle but a new year,
is a new year.

And anything can happen.