01

I've been thinking about religion for a while. Not one in particular, just on a whole. I guess some people might think I'm lost and maybe I am. And then some people might offer me a path by means of a religion but I'd politely decline. Sometimes I feel that there's something wrong with me because of my doubt and my unwillingness to believe in a god and a set of rules which were crafted thousands of years ago.

But I feel like I'm very spiritual, even if I'm not religious.

Should I need guidance, I look to my inner self. I have a moral compass, I know what's wrong and right. I know what it takes to be a good person, to have good intentions, to understand, to help and of course, to love. It should be enough for this life because there are worse things out there.

02

I woke up from an awesome dream today. I dreamt of a zombie apocalypse.

We're shut in this tall building while the rest of the world suffers outside. I imagined we were safe but I've learnt not to trust humans. Sometimes they're just as bad as the monsters. All I remember is glass walls. There's so much fear inside of me that I feel like I'm going to burst. I'm taking your hand and running away. Suddenly, I'm alone in a descending glass box looking outside while the city burns. I felt a part of me burn away with the city and the hollow husks of people that once were. 

Woke up wide awake and satisfied with my dream.
It's a fucking zombie apocalypse.
Of course, it's good.

03

2012 got me to admit to the handfuls of bad habits I've been clutching to. All of it has to stop. I've been making and breaking promises to myself for years. It's probably because I'm lazy as fuck with zero willpower. Recipe for a fat girl. Get it? Recipe? Fat? Ha. Okay nevermind.

2013 will be the year everything changes.

If not for the fact that my insecurities are acting up and smacking me right in the face, I'd probably still stay the same. I know everyone gets this way sometimes but really everytime I look at a skinny girl it's like a smack to the face. I love my body sometimes but recently I've been feeling like shit about myself and I hate it.

I hate feeling like there's something wrong with my body.

04

I have no idea what a relationship is supposed to be like. Is it different for everyone or are they all fundamentally the same? I honestly shouldn't be bothered about all this. I must be doing something right if I'm happy.

05

I'm pretty sure my grades will actually plummet this semester. It's terrifying.

06

O level results are out tomorrow and I'm freaking out cause my sister is freaking out as well. I really hope she does get into the course she wants.

07

I worry constantly for the people I love. I wonder if they worry about me too. I feel that if your problems don't affect the ones who love you, then maybe they don't really love you at all.

08

I'm terribly sleepy. Good night all.