I'm tired of seeing people shoving the blame onto others. Come on, you're not a fucking victim in all this. It's always a two way thing. You can't say that your experiences are the reason you're all fucked up. How do you deal with it? Stop being a fucking pussy and use those bad things to say, "I've been through this shit and I'm gonna learn from it." You're not doing that. All you're saying is, "I'm miserable because I let other people make me miserable and all I'm able to do is whine about it." 

I knew you weren't strong enough for me to lean on.

Life's been pretty uneventful since school's started. I've been getting little sleep thanks to CCA so I'm coming home exhausted every night. It seems like I'll get a breather once the concert is over but I doubt it. I know there's waves of CAs coming my way soon and I'll have to buck up if I want to pull up my gpa. Funny thing is that I told myself that I was going to come home early once school started.

I'm getting a clearer picture of what I'm like to people. I'm not as horribly awkward as I think I am but I feel absolutely dreadful in social situations. They make me a wreck. I'm still awkward though, but I've come to terms with it.



We had our pre-prep for the concert at Black Box today and it was a long long ordeal. I'm going to bring card games or something to while the time away tomorrow. I'm pretty excited for tomorrow actually. Ate pepper lunch for, well, lunch, and then we had Astons for dinner. Then parted from the group and followed the boy to Kampong Glam to take photos for his school assignment.

Spent a good amount of time talking with him. It's been a while since we've had one of those long conversations about our feelings and thoughts and junk like that. I didn't realise how much I've missed those talks. And I told him something that had been on my mind for quite a while. Until now, I still find it difficult to explain why I like him so much. I can say things like he's funny and he's smart but I've just realised that the best answer would be because of the way I feel when I'm with him. Safe, loved, understood, cared for, completely at ease, happy.

Leaving you with instagram shots of today!

Just came home from work.
It wasn't even tiring, it was just really really boring.
I'm going to dread working in the afternoons for the next few months.
But I need the money so I've got no choice.

School's started. It's been 3 days. I've suddenly been reminded how annoying 8am lessons are when I'm desperately clinging to my bed in the morning. It should be illegal to wake up before the sun even rises. Midnight's approaching and I'm heading to bed now so I can save myself tomorrow.

School is from 8am to 8pm tomorrow.
*cue hopeless laughter*
Long day with conflicting commitments.
I'll decide what to do when the time comes.
Good night, you. Sweet dreams.

It feels so nice to lean on someone once in a while. Most people don't ever worry about me because I can take care of myself. So it feels nice to have someone take care of me for a change. My only wish is that I'm strong enough for you to count on too.

Maybe not yet.

I wish I could stop myself from spending so much money but the thing is I've been dirt broke for so long, the money is just getting to my head. I've barely had my pay for a week and already I've blown about half of it. The sad thing is that I've spent it mostly on food.

I know it sounds weird but think about it, all I have to do is just pick one thing to throw on and I'm all set. There's no hassle to pair this with that and etc. Picking clothes is the main reason I'm always late for class. That and also because my bed is so alluring. Mmm.

I'm going to dread checking my bank account.

A few days ago, I had a sudden interest in film cameras suddenly and spent a good few hours looking through websites deciding on a film camera to buy. I finally decided on a cheap one which took the kind of vintagey photos I liked, all vignetted and hipsterish and shit. It's called the kumosan and costs $40 but the thing is that I had decided all this before I had gotten my pay. Now that I've spent so much of it, I'm going to have to wait till my next pay day to get it.
It's sky blue which make me so incredibly happy because it's my favourite colour! So I'm going to wait it out and see if this is something I'd really want to do or just another passing whim. But film photography sounds like so much fun right?

Ps. I've been addicted to Miranda lately.
She is my spirit animal.

Thursday




Then after that we headed to playnation for xbox and wii games! After we realised we sucked at guitar/band hero, we played House of the Dead and Mario Kart and then Street Fighter. Walked around town for a bit after that and then he brought me to 1 Altitude for the ahhhhh-mazing 360 view of Singapore. It was fucking gorgeous. I adore lights at night. From really up high, they look like constellations. Okay, we weren't supposed to be up there but I'll spare you the details.

What a lovely night with him.