I'm tired of seeing people shoving the blame onto others. Come on, you're not a fucking victim in all this. It's always a two way thing. You can't say that your experiences are the reason you're all fucked up. How do you deal with it? Stop being a fucking pussy and use those bad things to say, "I've been through this shit and I'm gonna learn from it." You're not doing that. All you're saying is, "I'm miserable because I let other people make me miserable and all I'm able to do is whine about it." 

I knew you weren't strong enough for me to lean on.

Life's been pretty uneventful since school's started. I've been getting little sleep thanks to CCA so I'm coming home exhausted every night. It seems like I'll get a breather once the concert is over but I doubt it. I know there's waves of CAs coming my way soon and I'll have to buck up if I want to pull up my gpa. Funny thing is that I told myself that I was going to come home early once school started.

I'm getting a clearer picture of what I'm like to people. I'm not as horribly awkward as I think I am but I feel absolutely dreadful in social situations. They make me a wreck. I'm still awkward though, but I've come to terms with it.



We had our pre-prep for the concert at Black Box today and it was a long long ordeal. I'm going to bring card games or something to while the time away tomorrow. I'm pretty excited for tomorrow actually. Ate pepper lunch for, well, lunch, and then we had Astons for dinner. Then parted from the group and followed the boy to Kampong Glam to take photos for his school assignment.

Spent a good amount of time talking with him. It's been a while since we've had one of those long conversations about our feelings and thoughts and junk like that. I didn't realise how much I've missed those talks. And I told him something that had been on my mind for quite a while. Until now, I still find it difficult to explain why I like him so much. I can say things like he's funny and he's smart but I've just realised that the best answer would be because of the way I feel when I'm with him. Safe, loved, understood, cared for, completely at ease, happy.

Leaving you with instagram shots of today!

Just came home from work.
It wasn't even tiring, it was just really really boring.
I'm going to dread working in the afternoons for the next few months.
But I need the money so I've got no choice.

School's started. It's been 3 days. I've suddenly been reminded how annoying 8am lessons are when I'm desperately clinging to my bed in the morning. It should be illegal to wake up before the sun even rises. Midnight's approaching and I'm heading to bed now so I can save myself tomorrow.

School is from 8am to 8pm tomorrow.
*cue hopeless laughter*
Long day with conflicting commitments.
I'll decide what to do when the time comes.
Good night, you. Sweet dreams.

It feels so nice to lean on someone once in a while. Most people don't ever worry about me because I can take care of myself. So it feels nice to have someone take care of me for a change. My only wish is that I'm strong enough for you to count on too.

Maybe not yet.

I wish I could stop myself from spending so much money but the thing is I've been dirt broke for so long, the money is just getting to my head. I've barely had my pay for a week and already I've blown about half of it. The sad thing is that I've spent it mostly on food.

I know it sounds weird but think about it, all I have to do is just pick one thing to throw on and I'm all set. There's no hassle to pair this with that and etc. Picking clothes is the main reason I'm always late for class. That and also because my bed is so alluring. Mmm.

I'm going to dread checking my bank account.

A few days ago, I had a sudden interest in film cameras suddenly and spent a good few hours looking through websites deciding on a film camera to buy. I finally decided on a cheap one which took the kind of vintagey photos I liked, all vignetted and hipsterish and shit. It's called the kumosan and costs $40 but the thing is that I had decided all this before I had gotten my pay. Now that I've spent so much of it, I'm going to have to wait till my next pay day to get it.
It's sky blue which make me so incredibly happy because it's my favourite colour! So I'm going to wait it out and see if this is something I'd really want to do or just another passing whim. But film photography sounds like so much fun right?

Ps. I've been addicted to Miranda lately.
She is my spirit animal.

Thursday




Then after that we headed to playnation for xbox and wii games! After we realised we sucked at guitar/band hero, we played House of the Dead and Mario Kart and then Street Fighter. Walked around town for a bit after that and then he brought me to 1 Altitude for the ahhhhh-mazing 360 view of Singapore. It was fucking gorgeous. I adore lights at night. From really up high, they look like constellations. Okay, we weren't supposed to be up there but I'll spare you the details.

What a lovely night with him.

On the way back from JM's place after recording a new cover :)

Sometimes I'm really in awe over how talented she is. I mean, all I do is sing. Lots of people can do that right? Most can probably sing better than me too. JM is a completely different story. She arranged the mashup of the song that we were doing, plays the guitar and sings at the same time. She can also play the piano and ukelele. Plus, she's usually the one who edits the videos.

Gifted right, this girl.
And the final product.



Out newest video.
Maybe give it a listen? If you like it then subscribe :> I can honestly say that we really appreciate anyone who shows us even the littlest bit of support. We love youuuu ♥

Saw this as I was scrolling through my twitter timeline.


Slept at 5am yesterday because I was talking with Danial about something we should have realised at the beginning. Weird thing is that both of us were thinking the same things, but no one did anything to stop it. We're more alike than we know.

Started the day off to mom yelling at me to wake up. I think she was grumpy cause she was really hungry. I didn't want to tell her I slept at 5 cause I knew it'd piss her off even more. Brunch with the family at Sin Kee Chicken Rice stall. The chicken rice is insanely good but this time we ate curry chicken noodle instead and it was just as delicious.


Met the best friend later in the evening for food at mac. She teared up while talking to me and that's when you really know something's wrong. She's a very strong and independent girl and she never ever cries in front of anyone. Eventually moved on to talk about happier things and finally went home.

Currently, I feel a fever coming on.
And I have work tomorrow.

I hate feeling so stuck, like I don't know what I want. Break's over and school's starting soon. That means cca, assignments and gunning for a decent GPA. Not that the holidays were that great anyways. I did little apart from work and cca. I had my good days but those were few and far between.

The truth is that everything bores me now. I want to get away from the mundane, the monotony of it all. I remember the days where I was wishing I could run away somewhere far and leave everything behind. I wanted to rip through the ropes that bound me. What a gift, to be alone for a while. My heart just wanted freedom, not this false sense of freedom. Two months off with school just lingering around the corner, getting closer and closer each day. I want nothing to fear and no one to answer to.

My mind is cruel and kills all thoughts of the things I long for.

"You have responsibilities. Family, friends, school." 

If I allowed myself to be any more selfish, I'd turn into a monster.